It’s been two weeks since I took the plane back to Belgium. Everyone was looking forward to this moment. Everyone except me. Even though I am home, I feel homesick. Homesick for Sweden which is now my second home.
I remember that I called my mom the second I landed in Belgium “I am so happy to be back mom you cannot imagine”. I take these words back. You cannot imagine how unhappy, sad, down, bored, sorrowful, frustrated and depressed I am to be back. It seems like the world stops for me after my exchange. The truth is, my dream world stopped and not the real one.
5 months ago, everything was extremely exciting because everything was new. A new country, a new home, new people, new food, new places to discover, new streets to walk on,… Even laying down in your bed was exciting just because it was a new environment. But life is utterly boring back in Belgium, especially now during the covid pandemic. From no regulations, meeting tons of friends, party every weekend to wearing a facemask, staying inside, not seeing friends and not be able to go to a restaurant because everything is closed, sucks. The few things I can do, like going on a hike for instance, I don’t enjoy. It’s not that I don’t try. I try to keep myself busy; to read books, do home workouts, go for a run with a friend,… But it just doesn’t feel satisfying enough. It’s more to keep myself distracted. Distracted from reality.
A couple of days ago I was walking through the city centre on my way to my grandparents. I was observing people passing by and the only thing I could think about was “damn the people of my town are really ugly”. I was looking for the typical tall blond Swede. But instead I saw small people with boring clothes rushing through the streets. It gave me instantly stress. That’s something I barely had in Sweden, stress. I blame their lagom. Lagom doesn’t have a literal translation, but it is the secret to a balanced and happy life. I know this secret by now.
This and many other reasons make me feel homesick. It makes me want to go back. And that’s what I am going to do, soon.
To be continued…
Dromomania 